The Mysterious Case of the Missing Children

We recently moved into one of the largest family friendly neighborhoods in Palm Beach. We were super excited to move here, especially considering the wide sidewalks for riding bikes, an amazing lake for hours of fishing, large expansions of grass to play on, a resort style swimming pool and even cool, woodsy areas to explore. We thought and still think it is a great place for Eben and were hopeful that he would make friends quickly.

The problem? In a neighborhood known to be family friendly – there are no kids to be seen anywhere. Except the pool – where they HAVE to be supervised by an adult, it’s a RULE (which it should be.) If you are lucky you will spot a kid or two riding a bike or fishing in the pond here or there, usually with a parent hovering nearby. It’s hard to make new friends in a new neighborhood during the summertime if the children don’t go outside! It’s makes it harder when you have an only child – I don’t necessarily want to send Eben out into a new neighborhood by himself to explore, I would rather he make a friend to do that with. So far, no dice. It’s a good thing he has friends outside of the neighborhood.

What has happened to all of the free-range children?

Growing up we lived in a small cornfield community in rural Utah, in a neighborhood that was flooded with kids. Whether it was before or after school or during those long summer days and evenings, I remember spending every possible moment outside with the gang. It didn’t matter who you hung out with at school, when you were home all of the neighborhood kids ranging in age from elementary all the way through high school would get together. We played capture the flag, freeze tag, jumped on the trampoline, rode our bikes on the dirt mounds in vacant lots, hung out in empty houses under construction collecting nails and extra wood to build forts with, walked to the gas station to buy candy and waded in the irrigation ditch looking for frogs.

Our parents didn’t schedule play dates. Most of the time, they didn’t even know the parents of our friends. We were left to make our own friends, work out any differences or arguments that we had and decide who we wanted to hang out with. Our parents weren’t hovering nearby to work things out for us when an issue occurred – we learned to work them out for ourselves.

Did I also mention that I had (what I considered) very strict, protective parents – so much so, I felt I never got away with anything. Yet, they still let me play outside with my friends every day and some evenings. I still went to sleepovers, was dropped off at the mall, movies or amusement park (another phenomenon to me – do kids still do these things alone?) and even stayed home alone with my siblings all summer while my parents worked. While they were strict and protective, they also trusted me and gave me space to learn how to be independent.

And as I grew older the more confident, self-reliant and independent I became. I went through a rough time in high school and my early years of college. There was a period of time where I didn’t have anywhere to stay, yet I feel that through those adventures as a child I grew into a smart, capable and competent teen and young adult who was very capable to taking care of myself.  I survived, adapted and was able to get myself back on my feet and moving forward – by myself. I was able to rely on myself when no one else was there to help me.

I am certain this mysterious case of the missing children is based on worse case scenario thinking as parents. We are more influenced by the influx of panic-inducing media coverage that has caused a new cultural trend of parental paranoia than actually statistics that show the U.S. is safer now then when we were children. Instead of letting our children gain independence – we hold onto the “what if” – it paralyzes us.

As an adult I worry that the children of this generation may more than struggle if they fall on hard times once they are out of the family nest. What if they aren’t able to go back to their parents for help? Will they be able to survive and thrive on their own – if they haven’t ever had time to practice those skills?

Thoughts? Do you allow your children to be free-range, adventurous types? Or do you stick to more protective approach? Or a little bit of both?

What is the most adventurous thing that you ever did as a child? What is the most adventurous thing that you ever allowed your child to do?

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P.S. A little side story, while in the Florida Keys the mister and I wanted to go for a walk along the beach and Eben wanted to stay and snorkel in the shallow waters. At first I was hesitant to leave him there “alone” while we went on a walk. I really had to tell myself that he is an amazing swimmer (remember he saved 2 girls from drowning earlier this summer) and he is super competent in the water. 

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